Mit großer Verspätung, weil technisch etwas nicht funktioniert hat und ich zu faul war, es schnell wieder hinzubiegen.
When I die, I give everyone permission to use my death for personal gain. Even if you barely know me.
When I kick it, even if we’ve hardly ever talked, you go and tell your boss a good friend died and take a day for you. That one’s on me.
— Cam (@CamSullivanFM) June 6, 2021
‚Hast du heute was gegessen?‘ ‚Brot.‘ ‚War es Marzipanbrot?‘ ‚Ich möchte an diesem Gespräch nicht mehr partizipieren.‘
— Buttercup Kittensnatch (@StereoSushisu) October 1, 2021
If someone is flirting with me I need them to literally say “I’m flirting with you” or else I’m just like wow they’re nice
— Haley OC (@MILFWEEED) October 1, 2021
— BERSERK (@srslyberserk) September 7, 2021
marvin gaye was right, what the hell is going on
— xoey ❤️🔥 (@xoey1o1) August 5, 2021
i’m begging for the trend of naming book series “a (noun) of (noun) and (noun)” to die out the words all just swim around in my tiny tired brain and i cannot tell any of them apart
— 🌿🏺 addie 🏺🌿 (@klimtsonian) October 8, 2021
The challenge I’m doing this month is called October and it’s where I just try to get through every day of October
— Erin McGuire Olson (@e_mcguire_) October 4, 2021
Man wird geboren, denkt ungefähr eine Million mal „wollt ihr mich eigentlich alle verarschen?“ und dann stirbt man.
— Ela Soprano (@tafkas_) October 13, 2021
Person 1: The glass is 1/2 full
Person 2: The glass is 1/2 empty
Excel: The glass is the 1st of February
— Andrew R (@ExcelPope) October 16, 2021
Was ich sage: „Komm sofort her!“
Was der Hund hört: „Wenn ich Ihnen da mal einen unverbindlichen Vorschlag machen dürfte…“
— La Lutti 🏳️🌈 (@berufskollegin) October 17, 2021
I’m looking forward to Adele’s album „49“ including the hits „Do you ever fucking listen?“, „It’s here in the drawer where I told you it was“, „Is it hot in here or is it just me?“, and „What’s for tea?“
— Howard Walker (@Buckethandle) October 16, 2021
Ask me anything aber es darf nur darum gehen wie viel Geld ich im Monat für diese Mini Kiwis ausgebe
— Pixie Apfelbaum (@pixieapfelbaum) October 18, 2021
Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like ok but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign
— NaNa🦋 (@_adepejuh) October 16, 2021
„Ist Ihnen eigentlich klar, wie viel Arbeit Ihre Bestellung macht? Haben Sie keine Kartoffeln zuhause?“
Vielleicht ganz gut, dass Restaurants anders als Fahrradläden sind.
— Q. Kalibur (@quarkkalibur) October 23, 2021
Every time I get a gray hair I remember that one of my stem cells is like, “the working conditions here are awful and I am done.” And I respect that, from a labor perspective
— Melissa Florer-Bixler (@MelissaFloBix) October 23, 2021
<the domestication of dogs>
wolf: I’m gonna eat your babies
human: what if, instead of that: blankets and peanut butter
wolf: ……..I’m listening
— Charlotte Moore-Lambert (@cavaticat) October 24, 2021
Turns out you can just buy a birthday cake anytime and eat it yourself. Nobody checks.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) October 20, 2021
ich schreib den qr code kurz an die tafel
— sylvia caprioli🌲🦌🏞️✨ (@sylvia_caprioli) October 26, 2021
I love how apples are just like „here I am“ and pomegranates are like „you must first pass three trials of strength, wisdom, and courage“
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) October 28, 2021
für meinen nächsten trick brauche ich einen weißen flügel und eine mollpentatonische skala
— sylvia caprioli🌲🦌🏞️✨ (@sylvia_caprioli) October 30, 2021
Beschlossen, jetzt erst mal morgens nicht mehr aufzustehen, bis die Langzeitfolgen erforscht sind.
— Ralf Heimann (@ralfheimann) October 31, 2021
the fun thing about being a second gen immigrant is trying to figure out which family traits are Culture and which are just your family being weird. like abuela mutters to her plants and tía says never to mix your fruits, is this something I need to pass on
— Adrienne Porter Felt (@__apf__) October 17, 2021
Eine Antwort auf „Lieblingstweets im Oktober“